Help me choose…

…what movie I’ll use to torment my long-suffering life partner this Halloween.

We have a little tradition in our household: Every Halloween I choose a horror movie to watch, and Lennox actually watches it. He doesn’t care for the horror genre, and never really gets anything out of it, but he’s an excellent sport and gives me 1 1/2 to 2 hours of his life every year just to please me. Nice chap, that one.

Anyway, I have no idea what to watch this year. Previous selections have included The Ring (US version), The Exorcist (original theatrical cut), A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), The Evil Dead (1981), and oddly enough, Pumpkinhead (because I love it, love it, love it).

Some possibilities for this year include: Halloween, Fright Night (2011), or The Others. I really loved The Conjuring, too, and it’s out on DVD just in time to be another possibility.

The problem is that I know I’m missing obvious choices, and need some help. I prefer our Halloween movie to have some sort of redeeming quality — great acting or script, for instance — and I also prefer to keep the sexual violence to a minimum. (Oh, also: No zombies this year. Just not in the mood.) New movies, old movies — anything is cool, as long as it’s scary. I have no problem with gore (as long as it’s not straight up torture porn), and although I personally prefer supernatural horror, I like a lot of different scary things.

Any suggestions?

Television gold from my subconscious.

Last night I dreamt that a new version of “Unsolved Mysteries” came out — and it allowed you and your friends and family to do the recreations at home!

Imagine the possibilities: Get your parents to reenact that bank heist, your best friend to reenact a UFO sighting, and then you can reenact the mysterious disappearance of a small town girl with so much potential and love for life. You can have reenactment parties. People could record their reenactments, and post them online to compete for prizes!

This is gold, I tell you — television gold!

And people think voting on who gets eliminated on some silly talent show is the pinnacle of participatory television. Haha, no.

I almost can’t believe this isn’t a real thing in the world.

Web peeping.

There’s a crafter’s personal blog I really like because the photos are amazing. But they’re so intimate — cooking family dinners, pets, her daughter & partner — that they sometimes make me feel like a spy.

I mean, I know she puts this stuff out there on purpose, but sometimes I click away from her blog feeling like a straight up web-peeper.

It’s a weird feeling.

Know thyself.

I thought for many years that I didn’t like progressive rock, but it turns out that I just hate Rush. I like prog rock in general just fine. But I really, really hate Rush.

(I guess I could tag this one “Canadian heresy.”)


So glad I’m not a “trophy wife,” or I’d have to figure out what sort of tortured and demented contest Lennox won that would have me as a prize. Unless I was a participant trophy?

That makes more sense.

Fantasy of the day.

Please tell me that someone, somewhere, is writing a college paper entitled “My Robot Legs: Transhumanism in ‘Grandma’s Boy.'”

This has to happen. Someone make this happen. Be sure to include the dealer’s monkey somewhere in the essay.

Time change (cumulative).

I have an idea.

Next time we change the clocks, we “spring forward” an hour, right? But then in the autumn, we’re supposed to “fall back” an hour to even it out. I propose a new system: Let’s just keep springing forward an hour twice a year until dawn comes around 12:00 p.m.

Think about it. Graveyard shift workers will be able to go to sleep while it’s still dark. Night owls could be up at the crack of dawn – and get all of the sunlight they (we) really need.

This is a good plan, I know it.