Surrealist Fortunes


Tired of the same old prognostication? Try our brand new, nonsensical Surrealist Fortune Telling Service!

Virtually guaranteed not to make sense in any traditional way, we use a highly personalized and mysterious process to channel the secrets of the universe directly to you, and in a format almost certain to bewilder and confuse.

This is certainly not your mother’s tired, crystal-tainted tarot reading. No “new age” psychobabble, no Roma curses, no cohesive narrative at all.

This is your future, as Dali imagined it.

To secure a reading, we will need some things from you:

  • $23 USD
  • A question
  • Your date of birth
  • Pick one: the name of your pet, the nickname you were called as a child, or a word that haunts you
  • Optional, but very handy: a photo of the interior of your refrigerator, closet, or car trunk

E-mail the above to, then cross our palms with silver below.

Within 48 hours of your payment, you will receive a one to two page summary of pictures and text that constitute the results of your Surrealist Reading. We are not computers; this is the actual result of our secret scrying method. Nothing is generated automatically.

Be prepared for befuddlement.

Satisfaction not guaranteed. Nor is sanity. This is for entertainment purposes only. Surely this is obvious.

Do you prefer a more traditional reading?


We can satisfy those needs, as well. For $23 USD, we will provide an actual, human-generated seven card tarot reading prepared by a reader with over 20 years experience. Included is a photo of the spread, and a one to two page description, e-mailed to you within 48 hours of receipt of payment.

For this alternative experience, please e-mail your question to, and pay below.

Once again, this is for entertainment purposes only.